It's Friday. Sex?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize