Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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