I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
