what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
