a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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