Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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