I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
