i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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