i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
