Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
