yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
porn star boner night. come get it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
