He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
