fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
