The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
