fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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