we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
