I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
