Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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