billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We need to rekindle our bromance
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
