Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
