It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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