is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
