We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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