I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
