i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
