Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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