We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
