I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
