No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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