Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
