So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
