I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
