i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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