The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So vagazzling was a success
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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