I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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