So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
