a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
