I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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