a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We left an ass print on the piano.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
