If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
