none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my shit smells like andre
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
