God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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