Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
