It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
