No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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