Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
