I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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