Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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