my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
