Pants 0. Shit 1.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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