you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
