my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
