last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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