Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
