All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
