What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
