I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
