I can text with my tongue
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
two words...techno handjob
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
