the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
