Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
