look no pants
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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