I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
