there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
