so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
