Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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