Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
