So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
