I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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