Buhtt sex?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
