nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
