he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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