she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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