She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
