There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
